Celebrity Story Time: The Cat In The Hat

When I read books to my kids, I tend to over do it with the voice acting. I really get into the characters, and try to imbue each of them with a unique vocal signature. I channel my inner Mel Blanc, the man of 1000 voices who owned the sound of Saturday morning cartoons from my own childhood. One of my favourite books to read is the old classic, The Cat In The Hat. For some strange reason the Cat takes on a deep British accent. The Fish sounds whiny and bubbly. And the boy, our fearless narrator, sounds calm and determined. As I said, I’m pretty good with the voices, but I couldn’t help but wonder what this famous book would sound like if I could arrange a celebrity ensemble to back me up at story time. Who would I invite to present The Cat In The Hat to my 4yr old son in his tiny little bedroom? Well, I’m glad you asked:

The Cat: Sir Michael Caine (backup: Sean Connery)
The Cat needs to sound British— James Bond British. It’s so much funnier to hear him in a deep 007 voice, especially when he says, “Have no fear! Have no fear!”

The Fish: Wallace Shawn (backup: NONE)
Wallace is perhaps best known for his magnum opus My Dinner with André, but he also happened to play the timid dinosaur Rex in Toy Story. He needs to use the voice of Vizzini, the patronizing self-proclaimed genius from The Princess Bride. You know— “Incontheivable!”

Sally:
There is no speaking part, but it would be cool if Cate Blanchett would just stand around looking smart and surprised. My kids would probably want to see Miley Cyrus instead, but I imagine Cate would be easier to get along with.

Thing One / Thing Two: Tom Kenny (backup: Seth Rogen on helium.)
Tom is otherwise known as Spongebob Squarepants. This would make him the most famous star in the room, according to my son.

Mother: Sigourney Weaver (backup: Susan Sarandon)
This time instead of dealing with Mother as Ripley, Sigourney can be Mother.

The Boy:
The fearless narrator would have to be someone earnest, young, and ‘normal’ sounding. My first pick is Jake Gyllenhal, followed closely by John Cusack. Did I say they had to be young? I refuse to pick Zac Efron, even if he does have very cool hair.

Who would your picks be? Please use the comments below.

This entry was written by jted, posted on June 25, 2009 at 12:00 am, filed under Thoughts and tagged bedtime, books, Cat in the Hat, Mel Blanc, Michael Caine, My Dinner With Andre, Princess Bride, reading, Sean Connery, Seth Rogen, Sigourney Weaver, Spongebob Squarepants, stories, story, Tom Kenny, Toy Story, Zac Efron. Leave a comment or view the discussion at the permalink and follow any comments with the RSS feed for this post.

10 Titles For Books I Will Talk About Writing But Will Never Write

1. Everything That Happened In My Life (So Far) Could Have Been Predicted By A Quantum Computer

2. Sleep Deprivation for Fun and Profit

3. Mario is Jesus – A Spiritual Journey Through the Worlds of the Super Mario Brothers

4. Destroy All Art (Before You Begin)

5. Everything is Dead. Long Live Everything.

6. Ignorance is Not An Admissible

7. Creativity is Ridiculous

8. How I Quit My Job In Advertising to Sell This Book

9. Black Plastic Lightning

10. Asterisk*

This entry was written by jted, posted on June 9, 2008 at 12:45 am, filed under 10 in 10 and tagged books, fake. Leave a comment or view the discussion at the permalink and follow any comments with the RSS feed for this post.