Four Apple Pies Overheard

[Scene opens in a booth behind a Man and a Woman talking in a McDonald's restaurant at the intersection of The Queensway & Roncesvalles in Toronto.]

Woman: Do you want an apple pie, babe? I got four of ‘em.

Man: You know this McDonalds has been here for over forty years. This used to be crack central. I live in this nasty area. Go up the street and houses go for eight hundred thousand dollars. You couldn’t GIVE me one of those. You wanna get killed? You wanna get raped and killed? Just walk around here at night.

W: I know. I know. You wanna get out of here.

M: You see that building? A murderer lived there. He raped and murdered two little girls. The cops come knockin’ on all the doors. People ain’t seen nothing. Nobody talks. Nobody cares. You shoulda seen this place forty years ago. You couldn’t give me one of these places. I wanna…

W: You wanna travel around the world.

M: Nah. Just fifteen places. Not the whole world. Just fifteen places.

W: Okay okay.

M: If you wanna do something, if you want something, you gotta fight for it.

W: Like you fight witchor Mom?

M: Nah, not like that. I’m gonna buy my Mom a washer and dryer. And she’s still gonna talk shit about me. Can’t change people. She won’t even do my laundry.

W: I don’t know why you’re gonna do it. The money you spend on the washer and dryer you could pay my credit card.

M: I’m not gonna buy her a washer and dryer. [Pause] Just a washer.

W: Well, she could use it. That woman stinks. What, they don’t have showers where she comes from?

M: She is who she is. She’s used to a mansion. She’s used to not having to do nothin’. She doesn’t have to do nothin’. [Man stands up as if to leave] What are you eating?

W: [Woman stands up and gathers her purse] Apple pie. You want some?

M: Nah.

[Couple exits stage right]